Hear You Me
by BrightStar
Summary: See Lex deals with the loss of his mother. Chlex


Title: Hear You Me Author: Galen e-mail: phoenix_173@yahoo.com Rating: G-PG Category: Chlex, angst, futurefic, in response to Peggy's angst challenge, Lex's POV Spoilers: no real spoilers, I don't think. Summary: Lex reflects on his lost loves on an important day  
  
  
Disclaimer: To whomever owns Smallville and the characters, I don't own it. I also don't own the lyrics to 'Hear You Me' by Jimmy Eat World, and don't own them either. I'm just a poor college student trying to repay a debt to Peg for her wonderful stories.  
  
Feedback: Yes please, it feeds the soul and the muse.  
  
AN: This story didn't turn out quite how I planned it, but definitely in a different way. I'm not good at angst and I think it shows in this piece, but this song has been calling me to write about how Lex deals with his loss in it. And a HUGE thanks to David for the quick beta. Your encouragement meant a lot. I can't thank you enough.  
  
AN2: Sorry if the format is all screwy on this, I can't get it to work right.  
  
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I walk into the mansion's library trying not to think about what today means to me. It was on this day many years ago that I lost the one person I thought would ever love me. My mother. She was my guiding light in the dark abyss that my father created.  
  
There's no one in town I know You gave us someplace to go  
  
She made the conservatory a safe haven for Julian and me from father. She made it into a secret play room for us, something to look forward to after his grueling lessons on world domination, forget the fact that we were only children. And then Julian died. She was there to comfort me when my father told me that Luthors don't show emotion.  
  
Never said thank you for that  
  
Now I'll never have a chance  
  
When she died, I thought my whole world would collapse; she was the one person who understood what her bald little boy was going through. I went to a myriad of boarding schools because my power hungry father couldn't stand to look at the one thing that reminded him of all he had lost, his wife and youngest son. I acted out at every school he sent me to in an immature cry for attention and help and every time I was kicked out, I thought of how disappointed in me my mother would be. So when I finally graduated from high school, I immersed myself in college in hopes of redeeming myself in her eyes, regardless of her absence.  
  
What would you think of me now? So lucky So strong So proud  
  
I grew in to a wild child in college, but was smart enough to manage my own company by the time I was 22. Granted I was running a crap factory in a town I had been exiled to by my own father, but I was successful at what I did and I would have liked to hope that my mother was proud of me.  
  
Never said thank you for that Now I'll never have a chance  
  
Every year at this time, it's the same routine; I find ways to keep myself from feeling the pain. Every year my coping mechanism changes, one year it was alcohol, another women, and yet another drugs. I just wanted to drown the hurt and anguish I was feeling from the anniversary of the day she died.  
  
May angels lead you in  
  
Hear you me my friends  
  
Until that night when I ran my car into Clark and off that bridge, I didn't care what happened to me or others if the end result was me meeting my mother in death. When Clark saved my life he led me to the one who could save my soul--a new light in the darkness.  
  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go May angels lead you in  
  
She lead me into the light of her world, where things did not need to be black and white regardless of what the newsprint said. She made me rethink the path my life was taking, mad me reevaluate who I wanted to be when I finally see my mother again.  
  
If you were with me tonight I'd sing to you just one more time  
  
I know that there are things in the majority of my life that I'm not proud of. Most of my damaging of all was that part of my life where my father molded me into his little conqueror. But I wouldn't change it, because that is what shaped me into the man I am today, the man standing in my gallery where the portrait of my mother hangs, asking my mother the unspoken questions that are racing through my head. "Am I good enough for her?" "Am I going to be able to honestly make her happy?" And as I silently wait for a response, I wish I could trade everything in my life for my mother to be here.  
  
A song for a heart so big god wouldn't let it live  
  
I look up at the portrait and curse the powers that be that took her from me when I needed her most and made it impossible for her to be here when I need her the most, to give me words of comfort and encouragement to get through the day.  
  
May angels lead you in Hear you me my friends  
  
"Lex?" I hear a soft voice coming through the door. She knows that this is a special place for me and even today knows that I need her most of all now. I turn my tear filled eyes towards the door where she's standing, still in her white gown, and gesture for her to come in.  
  
"Wow, Lex, the portrait is beautiful, who is she?" She asks me with awe and emotion in her voice.  
  
As I take her into my arms I look up at the portrait and smile a smile full of unshed tears,  
  
"Chloe, I'd like you to meet my mother Lillian" I state, "Mother, this is my wife, Chloe."  
  
She looks at me with wonder, amazement and love in her hazel orbs and smiles at me before looking back at the portrait and saying softly, "It's wonderful to finally meet you Lillian, you don't have to worry anymore, I'm going to take good care of him, for the rest of his life."  
  
I turn to her and embrace her, relishing in the feeling of her in my arms before finally allowing the dam to break and shedding my tears held in her arms.  
  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go May angels lead you in  
  
**End**  
  
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